


and they were ducks, oh my god they were ducks

by GrimmKurosaki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Complete, Crack, Dubious Consent, M/M, Originally a tumblr post, They're ducks, im not kidding, you think im kidding?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimmKurosaki/pseuds/GrimmKurosaki
Summary: You don't need a summary for ducks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to my tumblr account as a random short I did while slightly intoxicated. If you would like to follow me, I am the-silver-lotus and I post ereri/riren content along with memes.

“L-Levi-duck, Heichou…”

“Be quiet, shitty duck, I’m trying to get it in, fucking hold still.”

Eren splayed out his wings against the ground as webbed feet slid on the slick grass. This was absolutely horrible. Horrible! He hated ‘mating’ with the smaller, black duck because it hurt every damn time. His corkscrew penis jabbing him constantly was hell.

Eren thrashed suddenly when the tip entered and he quacked loudly into the night, Levi quacking angrily behind him.

“Levi-duck Heichou, please, stop! Not tonight!”

“You’re gonna take my corkscrew dick and you’re gonna like it, dammit.”

Levi shoved harder and suddenly Eren leaned back to fling the black duck off of his, flapping his wings in a wild haste to get away. He quacked and quacked until he was running as fast as he could with his wings outstretched beside him. He heard a loud, angry quack behind him and he turned his head to see Levi chasing after him with his head down low and bill open, and then he was hissing in irritation.

Eren turned his head back around and only then realized before he could skid to a halt, that Erwin was right in front of him. He bowled into the large golden duck and they both went flying into the pond, quacking and hissing along the way.

When they finally emerged from the water they found Levi tapping his webbed foot against the ground with the crest of feathers on his head fully extended in the air.

Levi sighed then and his feathers relaxed on his head. 

“You’re the shittiest duck I’ve ever met. Let’s get back to our nest.”

“Oh, Levi-duck, don’t you think torturing him again with your penis in one day is a little much?”

“Shut your bill, Eyebrow-duck, no one cares what you think. Let’s go, idiot,” he said when he turned beady eyes on Eren.

“Uh, o-okay, um, goodnight, Erwin-duck Danchou!”

They waddled back to their nest, and as soon as Eren’s back was turned Levi jumped on his back and bit the back of his neck with a hiss.

Oh, shit.

“Levi-duck, no, stop, argh!”

* * *

Eren woke up in a sweat, breathing heavily. Immediately, he turned to Levi.

“Oh my god! Levi, Levi, wake up! I had the weirdest dream!”

He lifted his head with a groan. “Ugh, what is it this time?”

“This is gonna sound crazy but…we were ducks! And you chased me around and we made duck noises and you even tried to fuck me with a corkscrew penis, and, and-”

“Eren. Eren. Look at me. Listen to me carefully, are you listening?”

Eren nodded and Levi spoke.

“Eren. We  _are_  ducks.”

“Oh my god, we are ducks.”


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subs take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just posted the first chapter but I decided to ruin more lives on tumblr and immediately wrote a part 2. So here it is.

His tush hurt, his feathers were in disarray and his neck was sore from Levi holding him down while he rammed his corkscrew dick into him and he had to say, Levi was  _terrible_  at mating. If only he knew how it felt.

Hmm.

He turned his head to gaze out at the prick waddling around proudly in the sun. Head held high with bill upturned, shiny black feathers taking in the warmth, and his…enticingly shiny backside swinging back and forth. So…enticing.

Placing a pause to his moping he rose up and silently (as silent as a clutz could possibly be) made his way past the stalks of tall grass hiding their nest. Eren stalked towards Levi, waddling up behind him, but alas Levi was ever the vigilant duck and turned his black head around to glare at him.

“Shitty duck, what do you think you’re doing?” 

Eren ignored him and stalked closer, head low to the ground in as much of a predatory posture as a duck could manage. He eyed Levi’s backside and stretched out his wings.

“Eren-duck, don’t you fucking dare.”

Dare he did, and flew onto his back with a loud quack and bit the back of his neck, pinning him to the ground. Well. If he knew it was this easy he would have done it long ago.

Levi let out a succession of hisses and flailed his wings, trying to push Eren, who was much larger, off of him.

“You’re fucking dead, Eren-duck. You hear me? De-”

He was abruptly cut off when Eren’s larger corkscrew penis entered him and he quacked loudly, struggling and trying to fight it. Yet, it felt…good? If it felt so good then why…

Well, there goes his pride.

He let out a quack of pleasure and then realized they were at a pond. Which meant they weren’t alone. Which meant…

Beady eyes glanced around and found that yes, multiple pairs of ducks were watching. Submissive ducks looked especially interested.

Eren rammed into him especially hard and he quacked away like a little bitch.

“How do you like it, Levi-duck Heichou? This is  _payback_.”

Somewhere not far off, Armin-duck, Marco-duck, Bertholdt-duck, and other submissives were giving their mates evil, suggestive eyes, and suddenly they were all pouncing onto their mates’ backs. 

Loud quacking erupted all around. It was a frenzy, a total duck mating fest. But this time, the subs ruled. The fucking and quacking were so intense that they didn’t see two humans walking their dogs by the pond.

Hitch-human and Marlo-human stared at the ducks falling all over each other then glanced at each other with raised eyebrows and exclaimed, “Mating season  _AGAIN_?”

A short distance from Eren and Levi sat Annie. She didn’t look too pleased. Not at all.

“Really? RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DUCKWEED?”


	3. and they were ducks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shitty finale. Enjoy ya bastards.

After a long night of duck fucks with duck orgies (with Levi all to himself, of course) Eren was surprised his ass didn’t hurt when he awoke. Slowly, he sat up, only to notice that he was…incredibly comfortable. He glanced down and let out a squeak when he realized he was in a bed. A real bed. He averted his gaze to Levi. Human.

He looked at his hands. Human hands.

“It was…a dream?” he whispered, then shook his head with a sigh. Of course he dreamt that after going to Levi with the zoo yesterday, despite the man’s complaints about how filthy it was, and his dreams do tend to run a little wild.

Rolling over onto his side he wrapped an arm around Levi and pressed his nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling the man’s clean scent with a small, sly smile.

He heard Levi groan.

“Shitty brat,” he croaked, voice still thick from sleep, “what are you doing?”

“Mm, just showing you some loving appreciation, that’s all.” Eren’s hand traveled down his thigh and back up again to rest on his waist, giving it a light squeeze. Now was a good time as any to get a little pleasure.

“Eren…”

“Please, Levi? Just a quickie before we have to enter back into society?”

The man sighed and turned over, unceremoniously shoving his knee between Eren’s legs. Said boy inhaled sharply and immediately began a slow grind. His movements were accompanied by tiny mewls of pleasure and he gazed at Levi with want.

“Filthy. Look at you,” he rasped and the rough edge to Levi’s voice only served to entice Eren further.

Levi pulled his leg away and mounted him, yanking off his tee followed by silky green boxers. 

“You’re mine, now.”

* * *

“Ha, ahh, fuck, fuck!” Eren yelled. It felt so good. Raw and powerful.

Levi gave a particularly hard thrust and suddenly Eren was screaming at the top of his lungs about…what?

“Fuck yes, Levi-duck Heichou! C-corkscrew dick, y-yeah, fuck…” he trailed off, his head rolling from side to side and Levi had to still his movements to stare down incredulously at Eren.

“Eren, what the fuck.”

Eren sobered slightly. “What?”

“’Levi-duck Heichou’? What the fuck Eren. Did those ducks you thought looked like us get to your shitty head?”

“Wh-what? No! I mean, I don’t know, I…”

Out of the corner of his eye, waddling behind Levi by the door, was a fucking duck. A duck. In their house.

“You what? I’m going soft, Eren.”

“Yeah,” he replied mindlessly, the duck staring straight at him with beady little eyes. It was rather…unsettling. Then another duck entered the room. Then another, and Eren’s eyes grew impossibly wide at this, causing Levi to furrow his brow. 

“Okay. I’m done, I’m getting ready for work,” he stately bluntly and pulled up his boxers that previously hugged his thighs.

Eren exclaimed, “Wait!”

“What?”

“Ducks.”

“Are you fucking serious.”

Eren sat up on the bed and repeated, “Ducks.” Levi followed Eren’s gaze behind him and just about jumped out of bed like a madman.

“Why the  _fuck_  are there  _ducks_  in our house?!”

Simultaneously, they both jumped out of bed only for the ducks to hiss and waddle towards them and they both took unconscious steps back.

“How did you get it you filthy birds? Get out, shoo, fuckwads!” Levi yelled and went to kick a small black duck but Eren held him back.

“No! Don’t hurt them, Levi!”

“They’re mean, they’re fucking hissing at us and backing us into a corner. What the fuck do you want me to do, Eren?”

A commanding quack sounded, and suddenly, a large golden duck was speaking.

Speaking. Like, he was speaking English for fuck’s sake.

“We’re here to help you. Wake up.”

Levi was nearly seething but was abruptly taken aback when the duck spoke. Eren and Levi glanced at each other with raised eyebrows, utter confusion warping their features.

“A talking fucking duck. I’m hallucinating.”

The golden duck spoke again, “Not hallucinating. You’re dreaming. Wake up.”

“Wake up?” Eren reiterated. “What does that mean?”

“Wake up,” he said again and this time the other ducks followed suit, almost as if in a chant.

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…

* * *

“Ugh,” Eren groaned quietly. “Why ducks? It’s always ducks,” he stated and rose to his feet only to realize…

He looked down. Webbed feet. An indescribable emotion welled up inside of him and he raised his wings to the sky and quacked as loudly as he could. He broke.

“OH MY GOD I’M A FUCKING DUCK!”


End file.
